I am weary

I have been so weary these last couple of days. I am feeling that bittersweetness of my baby turning one. She is crawling and cruising all over the place. I don't want another baby, which is good because I no longer have the proper equipment, but still, that time in my life is quickly passing.

Having babies has been all consuming for so long that I find myself emotionally exhausted. I was warned by a therapist during our years of infertility that I would be much more at risk for post-partum depression then most because of all the stress. Her prediction came true.

Two babies in two years was a lot for my body to handle and then the difficulty of my pregnancy with Alice was almost impossible. It takes real mental fortitude to cope with sitting in a chair for three months. As hard as that was, I am going to say that the gestational diabetes is what pushed me over. I have never had an eating disorder, but I was on my way to developing one after my pregnancy. I have really had to work on not reading nutritional labels.

It has been getting better though. I have some beautiful friends that have been through the same thing and are very supportive. In think what I am dealing with now is healing from my hysterectomy. I keep reminding myself that I have had two major surgeries in the last year and am only four months after the last one. Still, it would be nice not to feel so tired when I get up and I would like to feel more plugged in to my kids.

Pardon the ramblings of a tired girl.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad